Dear 2019

Dear 2018,

You went differently than I expected.

Regards,

April

Dear 2019,

Let's do this. But, could you maybe take it a little easier on us?

Last year was a bit of an emotional workout. January came in with the excitement of a newly-announced baby boy on the way. But as that excitement grew, we were simultaneously overwhelmed with fear and worry. In June, the utmost joy of welcoming Lochlan was quickly replaced with devastation the following month of Char's diagnosis, and then we circled back again to an intentional focus on joy (while still being punctuated daily with bouts of devastation). Joy, devastation, joy, devastation, joy. 

We're finding our groove, and 2019 is off to a good start. I still have days where I lay in bed at night and say "what did I ACTUALLY do to cultivate joy today?" but, for the most part, I feel like we're doing a pretty darn good job of being glass-half-full people. In an arid desert. (I should probably delete that last part, life is not that bad)

Here's what I'd like to work with you on for the coming months, Mister (or Missus) 2019. 

I'd like to have all of my babies here on Earth with me all of the months (there, I said it).

I'd like to spend each month doing FUN things. Not locking ourselves inside. I know about the germs, I know about the risks. I still want to find balance with that and have FUN. 

I'd like to feel strengthened as a family unit, and specifically as a husband/wife unit, as we deal with a situation that weakens us. 

I'd like for my children to feel happy, relieved, and warm + fuzzy the minute I walk into the room. 

I'd like to not put myself last, I'd like to still find ways of fulfilling myself as a person without feeling guilt. I wouldn't mind putting those five pounds back on, I need to eat healthier and find my appetite again. 

I'd like to think back on every single amazingly wonderful thing that was done for our family in 2018 and find a special, tangible, heartfelt way of paying it forward. 

I'd like to slow down a little bit. Smell the roses more often. 

I'd like my family members and girlfriends to know how I couldn't do it without them. 

I'd like to be a little better about Instagramming on time. Right now I'm living in a world of Latergram. 

I'd like to do more special crafts that use wee handprints and footprints. 

I'd like to travel a little bit although that feels overwhelming (and if it doesn't include every family member, it just feels wrong). But, I know that a refreshed mom is a happy mom. 

I'd like to keep connecting with wonderful people who fill my bucket.

I think we can do this. Please let me respectfully reiterate my desire to please have all of my babies here with me for all of the months.

Kindly,

April