To All Mommas and Mommas-To-Be

I know I’ve already posted once today but I’m sitting here in the airport with tears in my eyes, and I just feel compelled to write.

It all started when I checked my rental car back in to the Alamo counter.  The conversation went a little something like this:

Miss Mazie: “How was everything with your car?”

April: “Oh, it was fine.  Thank you.”

MM: “So glad to hear it honey.  By the way, I just love your name.”

A: “Why, thank you!  I’ll tell my momma.”

MM: “I have a daughter named Hope.  But if I’d had two more daughters I would have named them Charity and Faith.”

A: “Those are beautiful names.”

MM: “Well I already had six children before I had Hope, so I never had those two other daughters.”

A: “Well, I can see why!  You had a handful!”

And then Miss Mazie got really quiet, and she looked deep into my eyes and said “But you know what?  They’re all grown up now.  And I’m lonely.”

And with that, I felt my eyes well up immediately and I told her that they were lucky to have her as a momma.  And she gave me a big smile and said “Bye bye, Miss Beautiful April.”

I left the Alamo counter feeling two main things: 1) A lot of love for my mom and all moms in general, and 2) A little guilt for not living closer to her.  I’m only about 1h 15mins away, but my recent move from my hometown of Columbia back to my beloved city of Charlotte (where I lived for 6 years after graduating college) was tough on her.  She loved having her babies close by.  I know that it is important for me to be in Charlotte because I’m happiest there.  I feel the most like myself when I am in Charlotte.  And I think that happiness makes me a better daughter, sister, wife-to-be, and friend.  It makes me the best version of myself.  And I know my mom understands this, even though she’d have it differently.

Right when my eyes were starting to dry, I came upon a big board in the airport that had about 20 pictures of children waiting to be adopted.  Their happy, smiling pictures were accompanied by a paragraph’s worth of a description about their personality – but I couldn’t help wondering what sort of tragedies, betrayal, and sadness they’d already experienced in their youth.  What was hiding behind that smile?  Here I am writing about whether or not to splurge on Louboutins for my wedding day, and I can’t help but to feel a little silly about that.  Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m more than just a blog post, but I couldn’t help but to feel like if that is my biggest concern of the moment, then I’m the luckiest gal alive.

I know this is a long post and if you’ve stuck with me up to this point, thanks for letting me unleash this braindump of emotions on you as I sit here in the Rochester airport at gate A10.  All I really want to say is this:  Call your momma.  Hug your momma.  Thank your momma.  Treat your momma to a coffee or afternoon glass of wine or mother/daughter dinner, and spoil her.  I am not always the best daughter, I know this, but sometimes all you need is a moment like mine this morning to snap you right back to reality.  The times I’ve been short on the phone with her, I could kick myself for.  And Mom, if you’re reading this now, I probably won’t be able to tell you about this morning at the wedding dress fitting later today because I don’t want to start crying.  But I love you so very much and am thankful for everything you have done and continue to do for me and our family.